Comments on: Responding to the Pain of a Possibly Missed Opportunity for a Healing Relationship: Reader Question https://www.breakup-advice.org/breakup-advice/responding-to-pain-missed-opportunity-relationship Insight on Wisely Handling Breakup and Separation Thu, 24 Aug 2017 20:59:41 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0 By: admin https://www.breakup-advice.org/breakup-advice/responding-to-pain-missed-opportunity-relationship/comment-page-1#comment-19513 admin Fri, 10 Jul 2015 02:22:00 +0000 http://www.breakup-advice.org/?p=609#comment-19513 You're welcome and thanks for your question. Having an estranged parent could certainly link into all sorts of ambivalent feelings surrounding <a href="http://www.breakup-advice.org/breakup-advice/attachment-issues" rel="nofollow">attachment</a> that may have then played out in this relationship with this man over time (as well as playing a part in how much you're suffering his loss at the moment). I think grieving the fact that you weren't conscious enough at the time the relationship was occurring is all part of the development process. It <em>is</em> sad that sometimes we don't understand the dynamics of certain situations until it's too late to use that understanding in that particular situation. But becoming conscious still has benefits. As you say it will help you do what you need to heal and also serve you well as you seek and engage in future relationships. I think it's honorable that you would prefer not to interfere in this man's current relationship. Now that you have this new understanding, if another opportunity with him does arise in the future, at least you will have a more effective approach to it. If it doesn't, hopefully you can look back on that relationship as important because it helped you surface the feelings that are now driving you to this deeper understanding. Thanks again and get in touch anytime if you'd like to explore how we can help you further. You’re welcome and thanks for your question. Having an estranged parent could certainly link into all sorts of ambivalent feelings surrounding attachment that may have then played out in this relationship with this man over time (as well as playing a part in how much you’re suffering his loss at the moment). I think grieving the fact that you weren’t conscious enough at the time the relationship was occurring is all part of the development process. It is sad that sometimes we don’t understand the dynamics of certain situations until it’s too late to use that understanding in that particular situation. But becoming conscious still has benefits. As you say it will help you do what you need to heal and also serve you well as you seek and engage in future relationships.

I think it’s honorable that you would prefer not to interfere in this man’s current relationship. Now that you have this new understanding, if another opportunity with him does arise in the future, at least you will have a more effective approach to it. If it doesn’t, hopefully you can look back on that relationship as important because it helped you surface the feelings that are now driving you to this deeper understanding.

Thanks again and get in touch anytime if you’d like to explore how we can help you further.

]]> By: Maggie https://www.breakup-advice.org/breakup-advice/responding-to-pain-missed-opportunity-relationship/comment-page-1#comment-19494 Maggie Wed, 08 Jul 2015 23:13:16 +0000 http://www.breakup-advice.org/?p=609#comment-19494 Thank you for that thoughtful response. It does resonate with me and makes me sad that I didn't know about this concept before I lost him. I have an estranged parent of nearly 20 years so I do think this has triggered something from that perspective. Sadly, I doubt now would be a great time to confront him given he is in a new relationship. I wouldn't even know where to begin. But I will continue to educate myself on this topic as to practice how to heal and deal with it in future relationships. Many thanks. Thank you for that thoughtful response. It does resonate with me and makes me sad that I didn’t know about this concept before I lost him. I have an estranged parent of nearly 20 years so I do think this has triggered something from that perspective. Sadly, I doubt now would be a great time to confront him given he is in a new relationship. I wouldn’t even know where to begin. But I will continue to educate myself on this topic as to practice how to heal and deal with it in future relationships. Many thanks.

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