And when you mention his drinking, how much of a factor is that in his life? Do you believe he has a substance abuse problem? Or does he only drink a reasonable and healthy amount and frequency? That is important to distinguish. If there is a serious substance abuse issue clouding things, it can often make it difficult to really heal other things until that is addressed.

Ultimately, as in any relationship, I believe the crucial factor is the willingness to become conscious – conscious of how the tensions and conflicts playing out in your relationship now stem from your past experiences and upbringings and to work on healing each other rather than perpetually pushing each other’s buttons. I recommend you read Getting the Love You Want, which you can find in our bookstore.