Breakup Advice

If you’re considering marriage counseling, questions are going to come up. Here are the answers to some of the most common ones. If you have any others that we didn’t cover, let us know and we’ll try to answer them for you.

How do I know if we need marriage counseling?

First of all, marriage counseling doesn’t have to only be something to fix problems. It can also be something to help make the most of a good relationship. In fact, many couples go to counseling before they get married just to prepare to have a healthy marriage. In premarital counseling, questions about their values, family plans and relationship skills can be addressed before they even become a problem.

So there is nothing to lose by trying counseling and there may be much to gain. As long as you find a competent, skilled therapist, err on the side of giving it a try.

However, there are some situations where counseling would be extremely helpful and important. For example, counseling would be recommended if:

• The relationship has become physically, emotionally or verbally abusive
• Addiction or substance abuse of any kind is taking place
• There are children involved and you are experiencing challenges with parenting as partners
• Communication has severely broken down between partners

How do I find a good counselor?

At Breakup Advice, we are fans of the Imago Relationship Therapy model. Imago Relationships International offers a directory to help you find someone trained in this approach in your area.

However, there are also other schools of counseling with different ideas. You should first do some research on these different schools, consider the different styles, decide which resonates with you and then seek someone trained in that model

Whichever approach you favor, don’t be afraid to try a few sessions with different therapists or counselors before deciding on one you want to stick with. It’s important that you feel comfortable with someone you are going to share so much with and you won’t always find that person on the first try. Be patient and put in the work to find the right person as this can be a life-changing decision.

What if my partner refuses to go to counseling?

You can’t force your partner to go to counseling. Unless they’ve broken the law and are ordered by a court, they have the freedom to refuse to go. And if you find a way to coerce them, it may backfire as they might not be sincerely engaged in the counseling.

Ask your partner to go with you. Express how much it would mean to you. But try not to be too pushy.

If your partner still won’t go with you, then by all means go by yourself. Marriage counselors are familiar with this situation where one partner is willing to do the work and the other is hesitant. They can help you from that starting point and go from there.

What if I’m scared to go to counseling?

If you are new to counseling and haven’t had much experience with opening up your private life and feelings, it’s natural to have some fear. Just remember, you are in control. You get to choose your therapist, you can say no to anything you’re not comfortable with and you can leave or stop seeing a therapist at any time.

So, as we said before, take your time meeting with a few people and see who you are comfortable with. Go at your own pace. Any counselor that pressures you in a way that you aren’t comfortable with is someone you might want to talk to about it or simply rule out.

Counseling can involve very sensitive discussions. But a good therapist will always be sensitive and responsive to your needs, as well. And counseling takes time so there is no need to rush into things before you get comfortable.

What if I can’t afford counseling?

This is one of the most common marriage counseling questions. Marriage counseling costs can vary. There are some counselors that offer options for lower income clients. Some will take some cases pro bono. Many offer sliding scale pricing, meaning that you pay less if your ability to pay is lower. If you find a therapist you are interested in seeing, just talk to them about your situation. They may be able to find a way to help you work things out. And, if not, they may be able to recommend someone they know that can help within your price range. Take the first step and see what opportunities arise.

Can I help myself without counseling?

Counseling can be hugely beneficial. But if you are not ready for it, there are some resources that can help you on your own. Start by reading some of these. They may help you figure out whether to go to counseling, which counselor you want to see and make your sessions even more effective once you do go.

Was this marriage counseling advice helpful? Let us know in the comments below. And please share any other questions or concerns.